Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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