Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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