I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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