I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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