I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
