Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
