I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
