walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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