OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
