I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
