there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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