Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
