no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
