Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
