I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont even know how to be here
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
