I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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