Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
