woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
