am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
