who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
