I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
