How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
