I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
