The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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