it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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