Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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