the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
