Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
