I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
