Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
