Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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