WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
