you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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