Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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