i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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