eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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