Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
