I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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