It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
