it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
