I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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