low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
