A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
