i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's never too late to be topless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
