Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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