I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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