Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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