Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
