I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
