need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
