I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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